It's become apparent that I need to go back to work, at least part-time. Money is so tight around here these days that its making everything stressful. And while the prospect of having adult conversation again, and having time sans toddler parka is appealing, I'm kind of heartbroken as well. I tried finding work nearby that would allow me to work nights (read: after 4) so Finn could just hang out with our neighbors daughter for an hour or so until Steve got home. I know her, trust her and Finn adores her. He'd never have to leave our house, and I know she'd stick to our rules for him. But due to the uptight pricks that own the dive bar down the road, I couldn't get hired there because of my tattoos. A biker bar apparently is no place for tattooed ladies. Go figure. So, I've been looking into retail jobs since it's the only field that's hiring now. This means of course, a schedule that would involve placing Finn in daycare, something I've always appalled. I'm worried that the cost will completely negate whatever menial salary I manage to make, that the caretakers won't follow our rules/beliefs with him, that we won't be able to find one that will agree to use cloth diapers...etc. So stressed out right now. On top of that I've been thinking ahead to our next child and I'm saddened by the idea that I might not be able to take as much time at home with him or her as I have with Finn. I feel like I'd be short-changing them. Like "your brother was awesome enough to stay home with for almost two years, but I can't stay home with you for more than 6 weeks". Plus I know I definitely want to home-school our kids, and I can't even wrap my mind around how that would work with having a job outside of home. I know that's years down the road, and our financial situation will undoubtedly improve before than, but right now it's making me feel pretty stinking awful.
Okay, bad stuff aside, I had an interview the other day that went amazingly well. Mostly because it was a group interview, which I've never done before. Can I just say "thank you" to who ever thought of group interviews? Because normally in a normal one-on-one situation I'm all kinds of fidgety and nervous and have no idea what to say (even though I've rehearsed it a million times in my head). But, man, that group interview made me look like a damn rock star. I was the only one that looked even remotely professional, and the only one with any real retail experience. And the only one over age 18. So, hopefully I'm just waiting for the job offer call. This job would be nice, since it starts out just one or two days a week and then will build up as the holidays get closer. It might be an easy fade in situation for Finn and I both. Fingers crossed.
And all job stuff aside, here's a delightful Finn story for the day.
Usually Finn is awake by 7, 7:30 at the latest. And I'm ready for him, because I can hear him scrambling around via our monitor. But I swear someone slipped me a sedative last night (Finn perhaps?), because I never heard him this morning. I know he wasn't awake when Steve got up at 7 because I half woke up then. And Steve says that Dooz was still passed out when he left at 7:30. But at 8:45, I got a little tap on my head and heard a proud little voice saying "Marker! Marker!" I looked at the clock and thought "Wow! Sleeping in is GREAT!". And then, my mind computed what Finn had just said. I jumped out of bed and followed his little march into the guest room. Where he triumphantly showed me his masterpiece of black sharpie. All. Over. Everything. "Marker! Marker! Marker!" he cried happily. He was so proud, and so stinkin' adorable that I couldn't even get mad. He stood by and watched as I erased as much of his artwork as I could with nail polish remover.