Dear holiday shoppers,
As Black Friday approaches, I'm sure you're all gearing up for your massive shopping blitz, your eyes glazing over at the thought of all the life-changing bargains you're sure to find (personalized oversized cat sweaters 2 for 1?! OMG!) But before you start your buying rampage and completely destroy all of the store displays that took hours to put together, please take a moment and consider the guys and gals that will be taking care of you during your retail high: that's right, the store workers. Now, sure, we've been planning for this as much as you. Stocking the shelves with bright, shiny packages right at eye level, strategically hanging shopping bags so you'll be encourage to buy more than you came in for, practicing how we'll get you to add on even more unneeded crap at the register. But all the planning in the world will not prepare us for your self-entitled bullshit. Just because you spend money in our stores does not give you the right to treat us like garbage. Yes, I know you bought $29 dollars worth of product , but no, I will not let you slide on getting the $10 off a $30 purchase coupon. I don't care how much you've spent in my store before or are planning on spending in the future. If you don't meet the requirements to use a coupon, you're not getting it. And no, I will not individually wrap your pocket hand sanitizers. They're one-inch, by one-inch. They do not need to be wrapped. It's called a stocking stuffer for a reason. And no, I will not follow you around the store and be your personal shopper. I do not know what your Aunt Betty would like, I have no clue as to what fragrance your cousin just bought yesterday, and quite frankly I don't care. I do not get paid enough to put up with your high-needs, co-dependent shit. I will be polite and as helpful as I can with 200 people crammed into a space meant to only hold 50. But really, you should do the same. It is the holidays after all, a time for family, charity and kindness. A fact that gets grossly overlooked when there are anti-bacterial soaps on sale 3 for $10.
a friendly retail slave